Though it may seem glamorous and amazing - the life of an author who reaps the benefits of other people’s creativity, that is - I assure you that it’s not. Indeed, I often find myself eating the rat’s droppings when I’m not quick enough to catch him for my own dinner. Oh, ho ho - I’m just kidding. I actually eat filet mignon every night off of the stomach of a beautiful, naked woman who who engorges me on fine fruits and better wine.


Again, I’m kidding - I prefer beer to wine - but in any case, I need your help supporting this lavish (and dishearteningly empty) lifestyle to which I’ve grown accustomed. Sadly, my author’s pay will only allow me to continue living such a prodigal life for another 28 seconds, approximately the time it will take you to read the upcoming paragraph and decide whether or not you want to contribute to such depraved behavior. I assure you that you do.


Whether a loyal fan who truly enjoyed the book and feels as though you underpaid for it, or anyone who wants to make sure that my next book is on its way and I’m not slowed down by the prospect of doing unsavory things in truck-stop lavatories to make ends meet (at least I’d be getting my protein), your donation is much appreciated.


For every donation over $7,500, you will receive a hand-written letter in an envelope sealed with my own saliva thanking you for your kind patronage. Indeed, every donation - of absolutely any amount and any currency (other than Lira) - is incredibly appreciated.

Don’t forget to sign up for The Zen of South Park mailing list in order to get your free sample chapter.

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